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« Chronic (Parent) Stress Disorder | Main | Post-Modern Parenting »

February 01, 2009


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Breastfeeding, co-sleeping, and babywearing are not the only components to attachement parenting. To say that a parent who does that is an attachment parent, is like saying that someone who believes in spanking, bottlefeeding, and respecting elders is an authorative parent. While it is true that an attachment parent won't spank, they may well bottlefeed for whatever reason, and will also require a child to show respect.

Attachment parenting, like you have already said is not a list of things to do, but a philosophy. The point of attachment parenting is to develop an attachment with your child, there is a list of things that can help you with this, those include breastfeeding, co-sleeping and babywearing as you have listed. However they also includes responding to cries (which would extend to requests in the older child), not letting their child Cry-It-Out, Cloth diapering, and gentle discipline. True attachemt parents may adhere to all of these but perhaps not. In some cases the parent will co-sleep with one child, but not with another because the child doesn't like co-sleeping, and sleeps better in a crib.

This mother, has incorrectly identified herself as an attachment parent, because she believes that a list is all that is required to parent. Like you have said there is no magic list, each family is different, and each child with-in a family is also different.

I want to acknowledge that you got the point, that parenting is about having the right intention, and not trying for the perfect execution. But this woman can not be truly called an attachment parent.

Teri DiMarco

I am of the belief that specific AP tenets are a guideline but nothing can beat a fundamental understanding of Attachment Theory, brain development and child centered parenting. you can do all the things that AP says and still not have a well attached child cause it takes aligning with the child and understanding what that kid needs and tailoring your entire life to ensure happy existence. There are lots of people out there without intution skills to align with their kids -- probably because of issues in their own childhoods.

To me, child-centered child rearing takes into account what the needs of the family are while always keeping in mind the needs of a child at each developmental age. So AP, per se, is not exactly what gets you attached children -- but it's a prescription for those who cannot get there without guidance.

Too many people try to control their kids' actions (ap or not) and therefore get kids that are asked to act well beyond their developmental capacity for the age -- and this creates troubled kids, regardless of longterm breastfeeding or co-sleeping, etc. why do kids have to "behave" to a certain standard at way too early of an age? Many parents are creating lemmings instead of leaders.


Teri D

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